http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php This is teh crowbarn. Only the strong survive. en Mon, 06 Feb 2012 14:09:45 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=50 Thu, 21 Jan 2010 05:32:47 GMT I just want to say thanks to two members on here, one who i have hung out with many times when i lived in VA and the other who i never meet but had... I just want to say thanks to two members on here, one who i have hung out with many times when i lived in VA and the other who i never meet but had purchased every part he ever made for all three of the subies i owned. The first would be jard, thank you for being there when life for me was in shambles and i had no clue what i was going to do. The closeness of the MAIC crew and meets gave me something to think of besides my ex. (its been years but i felt the need to say this) Im much stronger then i used to be. Had it not been for some members on here and my little sister who was 5 at the time i probably would have ended my life. So Jared Thank you! The second who is Tom, he also at a rough time in my deployment to Iraq (the second of three) was there to just randomly shoot the shit with. I had found out my wife (ex) was cheating on me while deployed and he was just there, never meet me probably didnt know i was a customer just that i was a member on here. Yet he shot me a pm with his email address and struck a conversation or two up with me, so once again thank you! There are a few more on here that i have meet and its always a pleasure to meet me more, I have had sarah (P_B) over to my house for parties in the past and I will make it out paintballing with her this summer. And hopefully i will be able to make bed-6 this summer also (depending on deployments). And for some odd reason i want to take a trip to Texas and hopefully the barn/OT/whoever welcomes me there too! I will end this rambling with a simple Thanks to you all! ]]> splat http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=50 http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=49 Fri, 08 Jan 2010 17:06:05 GMT Not as in shape as I would like to be. However, not out of shape either. - Took a pay cut this year, yet for some reason I made more money the... Not as in shape as I would like to be. However, not out of shape either.

- Took a pay cut this year, yet for some reason I made more money the past year (I am guessing the lack of vacations, putting in more hours has = more pay?)
- Bought the M3... don't really miss the Subaru (however would not mind owning another one as maybe a track day car?)
- One year being married... hell, I made it 8 month longer than my first time around! ha...
- Wife is lossing her mind I think? Can't seem to figure out what to do about it? If anything, honestly think it is all in her hands, but I will help any way I can.
- Lost ever freakin card night with the guys... damn them! When the hell did they all learn to play? I won like 1K last year off of them!
- Need to be more active this year... plan on taking more hikes, riding the moutain bike, something. Just feel like I need to get out and enjoy things. Having Arthritis is going to cause me to not be able to enjoy a lot of this when I am older, so do it now!!!
- Tons of ideas in my head, things I need to do or want to. Ideas from the past, things I want to try, places I want to see... so many things going on in that little head of mine. Looking for it to be a good year! ]]> rage http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=49 http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=48 Mon, 09 Nov 2009 23:24:56 GMT Finally landed the job I've been wanting all summer long. It is a lowly serving job, but the perks are excellent, dental, vision, health, AND A FUCKING SEASON PASS TO MAMMOTH MOUNTAIN!*

So come and visit me here and I can get you discounted room rates all year long!

Grinning from ear to ear I sit so incredibly stoked right now.

:rasta:

*A value of $1680.00 currently ]]> crowbar http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=48 http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=46 Tue, 29 Sep 2009 00:39:13 GMT September 27th through October 3rd, in accordance to
Benjamin Franklin's Thirteen Virtues for Life, I will practice
Tranquility all of the time for a minimum of one week.


Benjamin Franklin tells us that one
who is virtuous through tranquility
will be not disturbed at trifles, or at
accidents common or unavoidable.

After finishing Franklin's autobiography a few
years ago, it dawned on me that I really
needed to adopt his system of virtues. He
outlines a simple system that allows each and
every one of us to be virtuous as Benjamin
himself would see it. To be all thirteen of his
virtues would be impossible, because humility is
one and a humble person would never attest to
also being absolutely virtuous. Therefore his
system allows for each person to be but one
virtue, minimum, at all times. And doing so for
a week, allows for exactly four rotations per
year. Henceforth, each person practices for a
complete month, each virtue on his list. You
also perform wizardry by creating another
whole month! ]]> crowbar http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=46 http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=45 Mon, 01 Jun 2009 02:39:14 GMT I've been lifting about every other day now, the cardio has fallen off but I need to swap up my exercises. I believe I burn out on the cardio (recumbent exercise bike) because I push myself so hard. I'll max out the intensity on the bike and go as hard as possible for 15 minutes...

So what I need to do is set it to half level and ride easily for an hour; the other thing is that it's boring, so I need to reconfigure my entertainment and get more of that in.

So far:
1 Rep max; barbell curl: 85lbs; dumbell curl: 50lbs; Deadlift: est 195lbs (only 150lbs of weights)
60lb barbell curls of 12 reps in 3 sets.
40lb dumbell curls of 8 reps in 2 sets.
150lb deadlifts in three sets to failure; usually 15/10/7 reps.

I don't have a bench to do presses; and I need an olympic straight bar for that. I'm going to buy the bench, bar, and two more 45lb weights so I can max out my deadlifts. I seem to have tweaked a tendon in my left forearm yesterday and it aches during a curl.

Doing full pushups in-lieu of a bench press; I can only do about 10 after a day of rest, and supposedly they're 60% of your total weight on your arms, which is about 190lbs for me (yeah, I need to lose 40% of my body mass, unreal huh?) I can do three dozen half pushups (from the knees) but I think that's only about 30% of your body weight on your arms.

After a week I can already see new definition showing up in my arms and hope to capitalize on that. ]]> scuzzy http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=45 http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=44 Mon, 25 May 2009 20:34:25 GMT So, after my latest bout of failure in the relationship arena I've been motivated to get back to my old workout schedule, and then add some.

So far I'm doing two sets of cardio a day, 30 minutes each on the bike; one in the morning and one in the evening.

Today I sprung for an olympic bar, and 150lbs in weights; looking forward to using those at least four days a week.


VR hates me, and while I've never really had a problem with her, it seems she has a major one with me. It's okay though, I realize people sometimes take comments on the internet too seriously - and often my sarcastic blunt humor is lost upon others. I come here for venting, entertainment, and distraction from work - everything else is just icing. ]]> scuzzy http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=44 http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=43 Tue, 05 May 2009 19:00:36 GMT And not the round shape I am currently heading towards! So I posted some pics to get some feed back... have a plan and I am going to pull this off... And not the round shape I am currently heading towards!

So I posted some pics to get some feed back... have a plan and I am going to pull this off by the end of summer if it kills me!


Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...... damn it! ]]> rage http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=43 http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=42 Thu, 19 Feb 2009 18:50:42 GMT ...joy Now after several days of trying and trying and trying to get her to sit down with me and have a real talk about us, i am at the point... ...joy

Now after several days of trying and trying and trying to get her to sit down with me and have a real talk about us, i am at the point where i just want to get away.

She says she wants to talk, but every time we sit down she hardly says a word and i talk. I feel like im talking to myself most times now. She has preached the idealistic relationship since day one. But its now apparent that she just went along with everything, and never really thought about how she felt. I feel less and less coming from her. She can say she loves me all she wants, but actions donut match words. I feel she has lost nearly all attraction to me now. It would however explain the rarity of sex over the past years. She seems more interested in exploring on her own than with me. I have always wanted to have a more sexually outgoing relationship, but not without her. I wanted to do new things WITH her. and i think when i tell her that, it only makes her feel better about herself, but nothing towards me.

Emotionally we have been broken for a while now due to her realization that i had cheated on her 4 years ago. I understood her anger and frustration, and told her that it was her choice obviously if she wanted to stay. In the end she said yes, but now i am starting to think that she checked out at that point. And after her admitting that she feels she was obsessed with me at first since she was so young (15) and i was an older guy from out of town. Well thats just fucking peachy. SO ive sat here, and dealt with all the problems, all the arguments, all the stress for 12 years and NOW you realize this and think its ok? If you met me on the street would you still be attracted to me? if we hung out, would you want to be with me and find me interesting? I think the answer to both is NO.

There is too much that i think is going on in her head that she just doesn't feel right admitting or saying out loud. I think that she does want out, but doesnt want to admit it to herself after everything. And instead tells me (after 3 days of me asking her) that she DOES want to be with me. But day in day out i have no reason to think so. In fact i have more reasons to think the opposite.

I have nowhere to go... i have nobody to talk to... i have nobody. So i sit here with all of this shit that i cant control going through my head. And no way to find out the truth because she wont give it to me. It seems like whenever she starts gaining some self confidence, she starts to distance herself from me. Last year the same thing happened....but at that point she wasn't thinking about venturing outside of the relationship like she is now. So i truly am starting to feel that this entire thing was a mistake to her, and that now she is stuck and is subconsciously waiting for something to do the dirty work for her.

How can i NOT feel that way? I spent 4 days trying and trying to get her to talk with me, to tell me whats going on, and finally asking her the one question that matters most to me... do you want to be with me? and it took those 4 days to get an answer. Im sorry but if you cant give me an answer right away, after 12 years, then its done.

I need to get away, at least for a week, but i have nowhere to go, and nobody to watch the boy for that time since she works. SO again, i'm stuck in my own brain, and thats never a good thing. So i find myself having a harder and harder time getting out of bed each day, and always wanting to go back. I don't do anything all day, i stopped looking for jobs, and stopped doing anything i would normally do. I haven't felt this way in a LONG time, and i want it to stop desperately.

she can say i love you all she wants, but every word and every kiss feels hollow and forced. hell, even the attempted sex yesterday just wasn't the same, and her boredom with it was VERY apparent. god whats wrong with me. ]]> Ruiner http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=42 http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=41 Tue, 17 Feb 2009 04:56:18 GMT Hey...my teeth aren't perfect. Neither is my body, my personality...my nose, my accent, my whateverthefuck.

I realize this. I don't need it pointed out. I think I'm a big enough self-critic that your observations are unnecessary, thanks.

Have a good day. ]]> VengeanceRider http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=41 http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=40 Fri, 13 Feb 2009 21:28:20 GMT the last year has been absolutely ridiculous. And even now, things seem more a mess than ever. I keep falling into a false sense that things are... the last year has been absolutely ridiculous. And even now, things seem more a mess than ever. I keep falling into a false sense that things are getting better, only to have the rug pulled out from under me.

2009 was going ok i suppose. My wife and i had become a bit more isolated from each other, but for the most part things were business as usual. But less than a week ago, we started to talk at...of all places... the mall food court. It spiraled out of control and became more of a spill your guts session than anything.

During this talk, my wife expresses that she is concerned that there are things in her mind/life that i just cant give her or understand. And shes starting to wonder if she would find someone more compatible on the female side. This is not in reference to anything sexual, since we knew that she was curious in the first place, this was emotional. I somewhat laughed it off at first, but its come up again out of nowhere over the past couple days.

During this talk, we went back and fourth about how when we met, she was only 15, and had NO clue what she wanted or who she was. And also, that because of this, she basically molded herself to match me, and believed it all the way.

But here we are 12 years later, and shes finding that she feels very different about things than she did back then. Obviously this is leaving me feeling confused, frustrated and well frankly depressed. I have no clue what to think. Did i waste the last 12 fucking years of my life? Probably the most important 12 years mind you...all of my 20's and a touch of teens and now thirties. I know who i am...and who ive been. The good and the bad... But it feels like I've been lied to and strung along all this time. I don't hate her for it, and i feel no anger, just sadness. How could she have said all those things all those years only to tell me now that she was 'wrong'???

What am i to do? what can i do? we've been married for 5 years, and have a 4 year old..... there is no easy way out of this...there just isn't. I feel like one of those politicians wives who find out late in life that their husband is gay.

And so now, on the eve of valentines day, i don't feel at all close to her. I feel completely separated from her. I wonder who she really is. Who did i marry? Who have i expressed my feelings to all these years? And how can i express to her that it is crushing to basically have someone say that all the things you've said to them are NOT mutual?

I don't know where its going to go from here, but i already told her i wanted to cancel our plans for tomorrow. I just dont feel it would be right to again play the role of husband to someone who doesn't feel the same.

And on top of all this, how can she say 'i love you' multiple times since then? And why would i want to kiss her or hug her at all? I just don't. Yet i know that when she gets home today she will try to again.

After all of the emotion of the past year, and her failing support for me after my MS diagnosis, some things seem more obvious, yet some feel absolutely debilitating.

I need help.... but nowhere to go to. I have no friends here, nobody to talk to, nobody to confide in. Thats why i'm writing this here.... Nobody else cares to hear it anyways. So this is more for me than anything. ]]> Ruiner http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=40 http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=39 Sun, 08 Feb 2009 04:51:39 GMT So as most of you have read I have smartened up and I finally broke up with the girlfriend. well this is to my imagined life in writing. These... So as most of you have read I have smartened up and I finally broke up with the girlfriend.

well this is to my imagined life in writing. These are the things I would like to complete in my life.

1. see the states
I would love to see the states, the major cities, and alot of the hiking trails in the states.

2. meet new people
while completely #1, visit barn people. I want to make REAL LIFE friends, not just via a keyboard. You are all pretty cool people and would love to meet you.

3. financially stablize myself
have enough in savings to support myself for over 6 months without working.

4. get healthy
get fit, and stay that way. hike, camp, play golf more


i want to live a fruitful life and enjoy myself.


tehshortbus ]]> tehshortbus http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=39 http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=38 Fri, 06 Feb 2009 17:13:48 GMT So much going on lately. Saturdays we've been hiking with a local trail guide who has done the adventure business for 26 years. She's taken us on some awesome trails that have been literally 15 minutes from here. I've been trying to get her to build her business back up, and now it seems that I will be building her website- potentially getting into the adventure biz myself.

Additionally, I've almost completed the second script of a trilogy that have been tumbling around my head for the better part of my life. It seems that I'll have to write a novel to accompany the scripts to bolster the storyline and help me flesh out the true action of the stories. My deadline for the final drafts for sale of the first two scripts is July 1, 2009.

The bicep tendinitis that I've earned serving may have gotten me a better position at the 'garden. They're holding interviews for a few bartender positions- looking at the list of people signed up, I'm a shoe-in. The only thing holding me back is my lack of tenure with the company. ]]> crowbar http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=38 http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=36 Tue, 20 Jan 2009 02:34:27 GMT Left the house Friday afternoon for the girlfriend's place. Plans for a nice relaxing evening, futzing around on Saturday, cooking dinner Saturday night and watching the football games on Sunday. All went well until Sunday morning.

Lying there, just kinda dozing, I hear my cell phone off in the distance. It's on the charger and in another room. She grabs it and brings it over. It's my neighbor.

"What's up man?"
"Hey, you're not at home?"
"Uh, no. I'm up in Gaithersburg. Why?"
"You have a bust pipe and there's water all over the freakin' place."

Insert the swearing, cursing and other bad words. Followed quickly with a, "I'll be there in 40 minutes or so."

Throw some clothes on, clamber into her car (EZ Pass equipped, unlike mine) and zip down to my place.

Arrive to find the garage covered in water, active drips all over the place, a frozen waterfall on the side of my house and two of my neighbors shaking the "ice preventing" crystals all over my driveway.

Get a brief tour of the 3 level townhome. Garage on the western side is innundated with water. West wall and western half of ceiling will have to come down. Enter to lower "office area" and find zero water damage. Good so far. Closet is clean, but that doesn't mean much.

Upstairs (fake wood flooring) was apparently covered with water. They as well as 3 other neighbors have done an excellent job of mopping that up. I'd hardly know there was anything there. Third level is completely clean. However, no one is sure where the leak was coming from.

Walk back downstairs and continue to get the rundown. A neighbor across the street has a broken pipe, another down the street does as well. There is ice all over the place. The association manager is on site and walking around and I flag her over to take a look and discuss what the next steps are. She calls the contractor who's already been out for 7 other leaks on the premises. That takes a while to get rolling, so my neighbor and I start tearing into drywall.

A few interesting discoveries were made. The western wall of my garage (end unit, on the west end) has zero insulation in it. Not surprised since it isn't a "living" space, but still. That ticks me off a bit. Insulation is soaked with water, drywall is soaked as well and it really starts to make a mess.

Plumbers show up and start poking around. The units are notorious for having the pipes that feed the kitchen sink burst and they head there first. Except the find out that mine are actually plumbed correctly. They head into the plenum space between the levels and work their way up into the sink instead of out of the wall.

This becomes important later.

Their next though is the ice maker feed line. Pull the fridge out, rip a hole in the wall, slowly turn the water back on and discover the point of origin for EVERYTHING. They start on getting that patched up and I continue to clean out the garage.

Once the glue sets, water is turned back on and zero issues are found. I turn power back on after making sure the panel (east side of house) has zero water in it. Heat is restored, water starts to flow and I once again have lights. However, I also have a giant mess in the garage.

I'm left with this. There stands an excellent chance that the insulation on the west side of the house will need to be replaced. I'm hoping that the water didn't spread behind the fridge/oven/cabinets, but they may have to come out as well. The flooring in the kitchen is starting to curl at the ends of the boards, so that will likely have to be replaced as well. I'm sure I'll find out the full extent in the next few days.

I wanted to redo the garage, but this pushes things up. A lot. I "discovered" a nice little storage area under the stairs with entrance from the garage. That'll be nice. I'm also in the process of designing my workbench, lighting layout, extra receptacles and storage means. With the beams/studs exposed, I'll be able to really line things up and anchor them down. Not to mention being able to fully insulate the west side of my building.

To top it off, my neighbor's father-in-law is a licensed general contractor. Once I find out how insurance/warranty is going to handle things, I may be able to work a nice deal out of it.

I'm convinced that the lack of insulation directly below the pipe in the kitchen (same wall) contributed to the issue. I've had other issues with the western side, and I have the feeling the 4" stud wall and insulation doesn't quite cut it.

I just keep telling myself that it'll be better when it is done. That is the only thing keeping me sane at the moment.

That and writing 7 "thank you" cards to me neighbors for their generosity. ]]> squared away http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=36 http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=35 Wed, 14 Jan 2009 22:33:11 GMT There are Blogs on here! Haha... wow, I really do not pay any attention to anything. Now that I know this I might actually use it! There are Blogs on here! Haha... wow, I really do not pay any attention to anything. Now that I know this I might actually use it! ]]> rage http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=35 http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=34 Wed, 17 Dec 2008 01:50:06 GMT I realized just the other day that I've been home in the US for just a tad over a year. I returned back at the beginning of November of last year and it is already December. Far too much has happened in this time.

-brought GF over in hopes of continuing things
-bought place to live
-moved in, including car in desperate need of repair
-my grandfather dies. That was tough.
-moved friend in as a roommate to aid his situation in finding a house
-GF and friend never really got along, lot of turmoil and issues
-started new design/build project
-project, coupled with needy GF and "good times" with roommate = high stress environment and uber high blood pressure
-asked GF to marry me, said yes, hoped it would make things a little bit easier
-it didn't. seriously started wondering why I bothered
-was given an out when a "dream job" was offered to her back in her home country. this is only after shelling out +$400 for the paperwork to get her a K1 visa for marriage
-roommate moves out, the house is mine again. Finally.
-work goes well, lots of involvement in large company things, good things, the CEO actually knows my name/face type of things
-the RS runs again. After 9 months of on-again, off-again, you-love-the-car-more-than-me-again type bullshit, it runs again.
-on a whim, I sign on to Chemistry.com and post a profile. Shortly there after I have someone interested in me. We hit it off incredibly well and I'm enjoying every second of it.

It's almost Christmas and soon a new year will begin again. For once, I'm excited to see what it will bring. ]]> squared away http://www.crowbarn.com/forums/blog.php?b=34